Press Restart Page 5

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  Jim sat alone, sitting on the very same bench that he and Kira had sat on together the day she told him she was going to press restart, and again on the day that she left him.  He had been sitting on the bench for hours now, deep in thought.  His eighteenth birthday was coming to an end now, and it was the last day that he had to press restart.  

  Every single day since Kira pressed restart, Jim had thought about his important decision.  It was all he could think about other than Kira herself.  But now, on the last day to make the decision, he knew what he was going to do.

  Kira had made her decision.  She had decided to press restart, perhaps out of fear, or because it was what she had wanted to do.  But that is not what Jim wanted.  And even though he wanted to be with Kira more than anything, he could see that they were destined for different lives.  They were not meant to be together like he had once believed.

  Jim could not let go of the memories that he had because they were the only thing that he had left.  If he pressed restart, he might one day meet Kira again, but he knew right now that even though he would not remember what they once had, anything they could have would never be as good as it was.

  Jim watched the clock that hung on a nearby pillar, a globe lamp shining a soft yellow above it.  The midnight hour came and passed, and the opportunity for him to press restart was gone.  That was it.  From this moment forward, he would continue to age and continue to grow with the world around him.  He would never again be able to decide whether to press restart on his life or not.  He would never have to make that decision.

  Meanwhile, Kira would go through her new life.  And as he thought about her, Jim felt sorry for her, because, though he missed her, even though she might live forever if she continued to press restart each time she turned eighteen, she would never know the things that he knew and the things that he would always remember.  She would never feel the way she had made Jim feel and the things that he had done for her.  She might hear the stories, but she could never feel those things like Jim did.  Stories could never compare to the feelings they had felt.

  Jim took a heavy breath in and held it, closing his eyes as he did so.  Moments from the last two years with Kira flashed by and he smiled.  

  While his thoughts made him smile, he had a difficult time feeling happiness as he slowly exhaled.  He would have his memories forever, but he would never have Kira again.  It was a loss that he was not sure he could recover from.  All he had now were the memories—the nostalgia.

  The only thing that made Jim feel better was knowing that Kira was out there in the world somewhere and that she was no longer scared.  She had taken the leap—running from what she feared—and now had another life ahead of her.  A new life.  One where she would make new memories with new friends and loved ones.  Jim could not take that from her.  She had already given him all that she could, and he was not in a position to ask for any more.

  Jim continued to sit alone in silence.  As time passed, he felt a calm grow over him.  It was as if something had changed as the night air grew cool, the globe continuing to glow in the darkness.

  Jim smiled again.  He was happy this time.  Even though they were not together, Jim and Kira had made their own decisions.  It was only now that Jim realised this.  They had both decided to do what they wanted and felt was best for themselves.  They may not have had each other anymore, but they did what felt right.  And that is what life was all about.  Making decisions for oneself.  Choosing what is best for oneself.  

  You may love someone, but you have a duty to yourself—just as they have to themselves—to live your life as you see fit.

  Maybe I’ll see her again, Jim thought.  Until then, he would hold onto the memories that he had of her.  Every last one.